Disney Character Therapy, and Other Adventures
by blue2dolphin2
Summary: Saiyana-Star Anderson, an normal young psychologist with an unusual name, agrees to take seventeen Disney Heroines for a group session. Little does she know that this will lead to a LOT more chaos... (Very strong language)


**_June 24th, 22 Station Road, Lawton Counselling Building….._**

_"__Miss Anderson!" a receptionist called. "There's a phone call for you!"_

_Saiyana-Star Anderson dashed over to the phone. "Hello?" she spoke into the mouthpiece._

_"__Hello. I would like to book a session with you. A group session. Not with me, but with…. twenty-odd ladies. In their early twenties to early thirties. They are displeased with their lives, husbands, kids, popularity- they're not fond of each other, but this could help them get closer to each other."_

_"__OK, fine. How long?"_

_"__Oh, this needs to be as long as it can get."_

_"__On Sunday, ten to two? Lunch at twelve?"_

_"__Perfect, Miss-"_

_"__Anderson."_

_"__Miss Anderson. That would be good."_

_"__Name?"_

_"__Mickey."_

_"__Surname?"_

_"__Mouse….TON. Mickey Mouseton!"_

_"__OK, Mr. Mickey Mouseton- that will go in our database. Goodbye."_

_"__Goodbye." Saiyana-Star placed down the phone. "Alice, group session booked by a Mr Mickey Mouseton! For around twenty women."_

_"__Really? You agreed?" Kasha Lawton, the top dog at, well, _**_Lawton's_**_ Counselling, said, walking up._

_"__Yeah."_

_"__Why would you agree to do a twenty-strong group session? Ah well, that just means that I don't have to do it. Good luck, Anderson, you'll probably need it."_

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**_June 25th, 22 Station Road, Lawton Counselling_**

_"__Call for you, Miss Anderson."_

_Saiyana-Star dashed over to the phone. "Hello, Mr Mouseton!"_

_"__I have confirmed some more about our large group session, Miss Anderson. There will be only seventeen women coming on Sunday. Snow White, Cindy, Aurora, Eilonwy, or Ella, as we call her, Ariel-"_

_"__Stop right there!" she said, realising something. "Are these the Disney Princesses? And who's Eilonwy? And who are you? Are you… Mickey Mouse?"_

_"__Yes, these are the Disney Heroines. Not all are OFFICIAL, though. As for Eilonwy. she's our forgotten girl. And as for me? I'll tell you, it is Mickey. Mouse."_

_"__Ohhh…. why would my childhood animated characters need a counselling session- wait, you're animated! So are they! How does that work?"_

_"__We're all quite real." Mickey assured. "And they come off as one way in the movies, but in real life- let's say that I have to deal with them all in real life and they are quite different. Good luck." He had placed down the phone._

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

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**_June 29th, 22 Station Road, Lawton Counselling_**

From the outside, it was a beautiful day. However, in the group counselling room in 22 Station Road, things were about to get ugly. For our 'lovely' Disney Heroines, ten years older than when you first saw them, have stumbled on some- problems- in their lives. They were in a group counselling session, run by lovely young trainee psychologist, Saiyana-Star 'you can call me Saiyi' Anderson. Saiyi had brown-blonde hair, and couldn't have been over 25.

Currently, the counselling room held only Saiyi. But, if everyone showed up (and they hopefully would), there would be: eleven official Disney Princesses, two future Princesses, two forgotten Unofficial ones and three hlaf-remembered heroines from the Disney Renaissance who aren't princesses at all.

The first to arrive was a harassed-looking Aurora. She sat down.

"How are you today?" Saiyi asked politely.

"I'm fine, thank you. Apart from the fact that I get no sleep, my husband's a loser and-"

"OK, OK. Chill out. Let's wait for the session to start." Saiyi soothed. Aurora looked disgruntled, but obliged.

Next to arrive was a very pregnant Tiana, who was rubbing her back and looking pained. She sat, breathing heavily. "I hate this." she muttered. "Hate, hate hate."

"Do not start, I have been through this eight times! Don't you start, you little-" Aurora snapped.

"Calm, please." Saiyi said, looking exasperated.

"He's cheating on you!" That was Meg.

"No way!" That was Esmeralda.

"Don't be stupid!" Meg. The two girls entered and sat down, looking awkward.

"Hi, I-" A very blonde, skinny woman walked in, and sat down.

"The heck are you?" Saiyi asked.

"Yeah, who are you?" Aurora continued.

"Eilonwy. Black Cauldron!"

Aurora looked confused. "Black-a what-a?"

"Yeah." Esmeralda continyed. "I'm confused."

"The flop movie!" Saiyi realised, cheering.

"Aww, gee, thanks." she muttered sarcastically. "Anyway, I am Eilonwy-"

Immediately, the five others in the room started butchering the name. "Fuck it." Eilonwy snapped. "Call me Ella, it's easier."

"It is." Tiana mused, rubbing her back. "Hate, hate, hate."

"Shut the hell up!" Aurora looked indignant. "You need to stop complaining, you little-"

"Mind if I smoke?" Meg asked.

"It's not really-" Saiyi started, but she had lit up a cigarette already.

"It's not good for you." Aurora protested.

"Shut it, Thorn." Meg shot back, looking at her nails.

"It's Aurora. Briar was just an alias."

"Shut it, Dawn, then, whatever your stupid name is!"

"Am I late?" Cinderella asked, shuffling in. "Those twins, so annoying!"

"Don't even start." Aurora warned. "I have nine kids-"

"Hate, hate, hate." Tiana started up her mantra again.

"You shut it too!" Aurora was getting more and more angry.

"Girls, quiet! And no smoking!" Saiyi snapped. Meg glared and stubbed out her cigarette.

"Yeah, shut it!" Eilonwy Ella snapped. "You're distracting me. I need to take a good selfie. Hashtag stuck at a counsellor's office with a billion psycho Disney Heroines."

"You just need a personality grant, and then you might be better." Meg smirked.

"Shut up, you little whore! We all know what went down with Hades BEFORE the movie! And I mean DOWN! There!" Ella retorted. The other people in the room looked shocked. Cindy going, "Ooooooh!"

"Well, we all know what you did last week with that stranger at the club!" Meg screamed back. "I could tell Taran right now, if you want me to!" She whipped out her phone. "Just gonna-"

"You little low-down skank!" Ella screeched, jumping on Meg and trying to snatch her phone.

"Goodness!" Snow White gasped, as she walked in. She deliberately took a seat as far away as possible from Meg and Ella.

"STOP!" Saiyi shouted. Meg put her phone down, and Ella slunk back to her seat. "What was that?"

"I hate her!" Meg whined. Ella nodded in agreement.

"I hate him." Ariel was muttering as she joined. "My stupid husband."

"Hate, hate-" Tiana started, but she was cut off.

"SHUT THE FUCKING HELL UP, TIANA! NO-ONE CARES!" Aurora yelled.

"Hey, everyone!" Merida called sunnily, chucking her bow at the floor. It missed and hit Meg.

"Be careful!" she screeched.

"God-screwer." Ella muttered.

"Take that back, bitch, take that back!" Meg shouted.

"Stop!" Saiyi called. "Beep! Zip! Quiet!"

"We understand!" Cindy put in.

"Not talking to you, Cinderella, you're the good one." Saiyi muttered. Cindy preened, and Meg shot her a withering look.

"What the hell is that bitch wearing?" Ella demanded as Jasmine walked through the door and immediately started talking to Ariel.

"Clothes." Esmeralda snapped off-handedly.

"No shit." Ella muttered.

"Shut your stupid face, Ella. No-one even likes you!" Meg replied.

"No wonder Taran's been doing Merida for weeks!" Rapunzel said in glee, happy to rip on the girl who was fast becoming everyone's least favourite.

"WHAT?" Ella screamed, whipping around to face Merida.

" 'S' not true! It's not true!" Merida defended, but she had gone bright red.

"Girl, you look guilty." Jasmine said. Snow White, Cinderella and Ariel nodded.

"Fine. Maybe I did. Ginger power." Merida murmured.

"You little hoe, I'll- this is the father of my kids and you knew that, you slut!"

"Stop!" Saiyi wailed in exasperation.

"At least I'm not a sex hungry crazy bitch!" Merida snapped.

"And we all know you went under the mistletoe- and a bit further- with Phoebus at the Disney Christmas Party, Ella!" Rapunzel revealed, sort of sticking up for Merida….. or maybe she just found it fun to shock people.

"WHAT?" Esmeralda yelled. "You whore, you were supposed to be my friend, and he's WAY older than you!"

"AND YOU! FOR ME IT WAS A ONE-TIME THING! YOU'RE MARRIED TO THE GUY!"

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't!" Esmeralda admitted. An 'oooooh' sounded from the ten-odd people gathered.

"Shut the hell up or I will freeze yo asses!" Elsa shouted, walking in.

"I thought that was Saiyi's job." Snow White, ever the ditz, said.

Elsa stopped in her tracks. "What's Saiyi's job?"

"Telling us to be quiet." Snow White answered, perfectly innocent.

"It's mine too, because I've heard you guys for five seconds, and I'm sick of it, and I have powers!"

"Let it go! Let it go!" Belle sang to herself. Pocahontas walked in, followed by Jane and Kida.

"Hate, hate, hate." Tiana muttered.

"Bitch, if you do that one more time, I'm gonna-" Aurora started.

"Peace, Aurora." Poca intoned, just as Jane walked in.

"Jane, this isn't quite- appropriate attire for a session such as this." Saiyi said awkwardly, looking at Jane's tiny red shirt and skirt.

"What, are you a prostitute in your spare time?" Meg cackled.

"Good one, Hades-fucker." Ella replied. Meg kicked her, and Saiyi looked at them warningly.

Esmeralda looked sort of thoughtful. "I know. This is worse than what I wore as a pole dancer."

Meg sneered at her. "That doesn't count, that was medieval Paris?" She raised her voice to speak to Jane. "Hey, whore, how many jobs do you get in that sweet little set-up you got on there?"

Jane blushed. "This is how I kept cool in the jungle." she answered, trying to pick up what shreds of dignity she had left.

"Please put on something else." Saiyi asked, trying not to sound too whiny.

"I have a spare outfit." Aurora mentioned. Everyone looked at her quizzically. "What, I have nine kids, clothes can get dirty!" She dug in her bag and passed it to Jane. Jane left the room, and came back in Aurora's outfit. Meanwhile, Anna, Rapunzel and Mulan slipped in, thus completing the group. Rapunzel snapped a picture of Aurora, and Saiyi could see she was posting it with the rather bitchy tagline "Her fashion sense has really gone down, hasn't it? Maybe her contraceptive use could go up!"

"I wish I wasn't here!" Mulan growled. 'Mickey made me!"

"Hellooooo awful subtext!" Meg snickered.

Anna looked skeptical. "Get your mind out of the gutter, MEG!"

"Go home, fatty!"

"You go home!"

"Peace, girls." Poca soothed.

When Jane came back, Saiyi surveyed the group around her. Quite a mixed bag.

Furthest to the left, was Cindy. Cindy was dressed in a black dress. Her hair had been dyed black and she wore a LOT of black eye makeup. Next to her was Esmeralda, who was dressed in her normal gypsy way. However, in her older age, she was insecure and wore way too much makeup. Her hair was way longer than it had been in the movie.

Next to Esmeralda was Kida, clothed in a pretty blue tunic and red leggings. She carried a spear and looked radiantly natural (cough cough, Cindy, Ella, Esmeralda and Meg). Mulan's hair was short, and she wore gym gear. She was doing reps with a huge weight. Snow White was dressed neatly in a yellow skirt and blue blouse, and her makeup was as it was in her movie. Classic. Aurora's hair was mussed, and her clothes were dirty and mismatched. She had not made an effort with her appearance at all, but then how could she?

Tiana was very pregnant, and she sat looking exhausted. Her clothes were green, and her curly hair had been bobbed. Meg's clothes were a white leather jacket over a short purple dress. Her huge ponytail was the stand-out feature in all its hairsprayed glory. Ariel's hair was stick-straight, loose and perfect, and her loose shirt-dress was purple. Ella's hair was very artificially waved, she wore a lot of red lipstick, her shirt was cropped and her baby-pink skirt was tiny. Jasmine was wearing her belly-dancer outfit, her hair and figure the same as ever. Belle was next to her, with her glasses on. Her yellow dress was overly formal.

A white blouse, black pencil skirt and loose magenta jacket-clad Rapunzel sat next to Belle. On the other side of her was Anna wearing lounge clothes, which fit very tightly over her slightly.… expanded figure. By contrast, Elsa was slim and sprightly in a blue shirt and tight white jeans, with her hair in its usual plait. She sat next to Anna. Merida had loose jeans and a green hoodie on. She was near the end, with a tribal dress-clad, natural Pocahontas and an Aurora's-pink-outfitted Jane on the very end. And at the desk, from where she could see them all, was Saiyi, an attractive tawny-haired young woman with her hair in a bun, wearing a fitted green tartan dress.

"I want to take a quick survey." Saiyi announced. "Tell me your age and your husband's age."

"24." Snow White said. "And Prince is 32."

Ella narrowed her eyes disgustedly. "Prince? Prince who?"

Snow White turned redder than her blusher. "Never mind! Cindy!"

"29." Cindy continued. "Charming's 35!"

"OLDIES!" Ella shouted.

"Ella, be quiet." Saiyi snapped. "Aurora?"

"I'm 26, and Philip is 34."

"What is it with you girls and older guys?" Meg asked.

"Gold digga…." Merida sung.

"That's not a song." Jane reminded her.

"Good point." Merida said, shutting up.

"22, 24." EIla muttered. "See, I'm younger and hotter than all of you."

"I'm only two years older than you!" Snow protested.

"No-one cares, and you're fucking ugly anyway, hoe!"

"ELLA! Don't be mean!" Ariel protested.

"What're you gonna do about it, Fishlips?"

Saiyi sighed. "Can we finish the survey?"

"I am 26, and Eric's 28!"

"Nice age gap, girl, I like it!" Elsa said appreciatively.

"Oh, so I'm inferior, because I just happen to be a bit younger than my husband!" Esmeralda wailed, almost crying.

"You said you wish you weren't married!" Tiana put in.

"Still!" Esmeralda protested through her almost-tears. "I can't leave, can I? Can't just ditch my-"

"QUIET!" Saiyi yelled. She then lowered her voice. "Belle and… whoever?"

"27, 31." Belle answered.

"Same as Ariel." Jasmine said.

"I'm not married, but I'm 28." Pocahontas said.

"I'm 33 and Phoebus is 42." Esmeralda said.

"EW!" Meg, Elsa and Jane shouted.

"FUCK THE FUCKING FUCK OFF! WHAT ABOUT ELLA'S LITTLE TRYST!" Esmeralda yelled, tears now running down her face, smudging her eye makeup. "Blast damn it…. why did I remind myself of tha-ha-haaat….."

"Fuck you!" Ella yelled.

"SHUT UP!" Saiyi said, for what felt like the hundredth time.

"I'm 32, and Hercules is 28!" Meg declared.

"Ewwww!" a few people complained.

Meg looked livid and glared at the assorted heroines. "Oh, so just because I'm a woman it's bad? I'll show you, you fucking-"

"Good point, Meg, but control your temper." Saiyi soothed.

"That's what I had to tell the Beast." Belle murmured.

"Shut up, animal-fucker. Why does everyone in here have some weird fetish? Like, animal girl, god-screwer-" Ella snapped.

"Ella, shut your ugly trap!" Meg hissed. "Nice fake blood, or is that lipstick?"

Ella opened her mouth to bark a witty retort, but Saiyi shouted "QUIET! Meg and Ella, if you don't stop bullying everyone, I'll have to kick you out!"

"Bitch, I paid for this!" Meg shouted.

"I don't care. Shut up. What about you, Mulan?"

"26, 34!"

"Gross." Ella muttered.

Mulan glared at her. "You bitch, you wanna piece of this?! I can smack in that pretty little head with my weight!" Mulan got up, raised the weight and moved it towards Ella.

"None of that, please." Saiyi said. "Jane?"

"I'm 28, and Tarzan is the same age." Jane muttered.

"Why are we doing this?" Kida wondered loudly. "Anyway, I'm not sure how old I am. And Milo is sort of ageless now, because Atlantis, so- I'm not sure how old he is anyway. Maybe about- I don't know!"

"Airhead." Ella muttered. Kida narrowed her eyes, but pretended not to hear her. Saiyi noticed this, and gave her a grateful look for not starting any more trouble.

"On the subject of Milo, this just in!" Punzie announced. "E- Ei- I- Ella got down with-"

"SLUT!" Kida shouted, however, she wisely did not lunge for Ella.

"With Milo!" Punzie laughed in glee.

"And you rip on me!" Merida shouted. "I have only screwed ONE husband of someone else!"

"What an achievement!" Kida snapped sarcastically.

"And you also rip on me! You have the age gap fetish here! Not me!" Esmeralda continued, all very emotional and dramatic.

Ella had gone bright red. "Yeah, well this can't be proved."

"I think it can!" Punzie said, tapping away at her phone.

"You bitch, Punzie, how dare you!"

"I never said I'd show Taran." Punzie shrugged. "That's not my business."

"Give it here, Punz. 'Cause I would!" Meg sing-songed.

"Fuck off, god-fucker."

"At least I didn't fuck a guy twenty years older than me!" Meg retorted. Ella glared, and Esmeralda's lip quivered at Meg's harsh words, and she began to sob into Cindy's lap.

"Gawwd." Cindy muttered, moving over and trying to comfort the crying woman. "I mean, I'm sad enough, I hate my life, and-"

"First World Problems….." Merida sung.

"NOT A SONG!" Jane yelled. Everyone stared, as if to say, 'she can actually talk in capital letters?'

"Survey!" Saiyi reminded.

"Sorry! Um, I'm 29 and Naveen is 30." Tiana said.

"And you still haven't had kids yet?" Ariel asked. Ella nodded in agreement.

"Unlike most of you ladies, I am a Strong Female Character, and I picked my career. Also, I didn't get myself knocked up before I was twenty. And look at me! I'm going to explode! Kid incoming!" Merida giggled.

Tiana turned on her. "Shut up, Mer! I don't care how funny you find everything!"

"She screwed my husband!" Ella shouted. "How are we not ripping on her more?"

"You screwed mine." Kida pointed out.

"And hers." Cindy pointed to the sobbing Esmeralda.

"Esmeralda, it's OK. He still has sex with you!" Ella mocked. Esmeralda cried harder. Cindy pushed her onto Kida. Esmeralda didn't care, and Kida raised her eyebrows and awkwardly stroked Esmeralda's hair.

"ELLA!" Saiyi yelled. "Shut up. Can we just get through one survey?"

The princesses/heroines just muttered "OK". "I'm 28, and Eugene is 36." Punzie continued. Saiyi couldn't smile at her, because she was the one who was dropping the bombshells.

"Eugene!" Meg snorted.

"HERCULES!" Rapunzel shouted back.

"It's Greek, you racist!"

"Still ridiculous!"

"RACIST!"

"SURVEY! ANNA, shoot!"

"You forgot me!" Merida complained furiously. "I'm 26, and my guy is non-existent years old."

"We all know about you and Ella's husband! He's 24!" Belle laughed.

"So weird…." Snow White muttered.

"Oho, just because she's a girl and she's older, it's wrong?" Meg said, effectively quoting herself.

"SURVEY!"

"I am Anna, 28 and Kristoff is 31!"

"Elsa, and I don't have a guy, and don't you feel sorry for me!"

"You have it easy." Kida said, from where the sobbing Esmeralda had laid her head in Kida's lap. "And I for one actually kind of envy you. You are a _free woman, _so I admire, hate and envy you."

Elsa smirked self-confidently. "Why, thank you Kida. Complients like that- just another day in Elsa-land."

"Yeah, _Anna-_land is fucking miserable." Anna muttered.

Meg was more vocal. "Is this comment an everyday occurrence in 'Elsa-land'? YOU'RE A STUCK UP BITCH!"

"Hey, come on, guys."

"Who wants to start?" Saiyi asked. Everyone looked at her as if asking her why they would want to share their problems with the bitchy group that surrounded them. "I thought that would happen. So I put all your names in this cup- where is my cup?"

"Cup." Merida laughed.

"What's so funny?" Punzie asked.

"Yeah." Anna backed up.

Merida put her head down. "Nothing."

"Why does this cup have paper in it?" Snow White wondered dreamily, as she began to fill a polystyrene cup with water from the water cooler.

"STOP!" Saiyi yelled. However, it was too late. She sighed. "Wait here. And don't start a fight." she warned, exiting. While she was gone, the girls had a few friendly and nice bitchy conversations.

"Have you really been doing Taran?" Jane asked, coming over to Merida."Was it good?" Ella glared.

"No comment." Merida muttered.

"Hate, hate, hate." Aurora slapped Tiana across the face.

Tiana looked scared. "Sorry, won't do it again?" And she did not.

"How was Hades?" Ella jeered. She was slapped by Meg.

"That is disgusting." Ariel put in. "And I'm sick of being between you two. Ella almost slapped me."

"Too bad, fire-truck!" Meg snapped.

"Wish I had slapped you." Ella murmured.

"Bitch." Ariel commented.

"I don't know how old I am." Kida was saying to Pocahontas.

"You're useless."

"Fuck you."

Finally, Saiyi came back with a new cup of names. She drew one out. "Ella!" she cheered. "Why are you here?"

"Well, I found out that my husband did Merida, so I hate that hoe, and I hate my kids, and my life, and my job, and my husband, no-one knows who I am, and I can't lose weight!"

"Ella, you're tiny." Aurora stated, pointing out a true fact.

"You're not." Ella replied easily.

"I've had nine kids!"

"Whatever. I've had two, and I need to lose weight."

"What did you eat for breakfast?" Saiyi asked.

"Raspberry."

"Raspberries? That's not good!" Tiana cried.

"Thank god, she's saying something that isn't the word hate." Cindy muttered. Snow White giggled sweetly.

"I didn't have raspberries."

"What then?" Saiyi asked.

"I only had _one_ raspberry." Ella finished.

"That's stupid- you need to be treated. I'll make the reference." Saiyi started typing into her computer.

"Treated for what?" Ella wailed, starting to cry. Meg smirked.

"Anorexia- special centre." Saiyi explained.

"What, so I have to leave my kids, and Taran, and he can just screw Merida while you make me all fat! Nooooooo!" She started to storm out, but the door was locked. She screamed in frustration and flopped down, seething.

"You'll have to leave your guys on the side too!" Meg smirked with too happy a grin. Esmeralda wailed, and Kida gripped onto her spear.

"Ella, you are very thin." Saiyi said. "How much do you weigh?"

"103 pounds, what? I know I need to lose more!"

"STOOOOOPP!" Saiyi yelled. "Stop. You do not need to lose any more."

"I bet everyone here is even lighter." Ella defended.

"I weigh 110 pounds." Jasmine said.

"And she's tiny! I weigh 165 pounds." Mulan continued. "But a crap ton of it is muscle, baby!"

"Yeah, right. You should lose weight!" Ella jeered. Mulan was not easily affected and she curled her lip and gave the young blonde a withering glare.

"137." Saiyi put in. "But I'm short."

"146." Esmeralda admitted.

"149." Cindy said.

"151." Jane admitted.

"140." Kida said. "About the same as Milo." Most people snorted at that.

"143 when I'm not carrying two extra people." Tiana smirked, both grimly and sarcastically. "I feel like an elephant."

"You look like one." Ella commented.

"Do us a favour and shut that ugly thing you call your mouth." Tiana suggested. Ella shot daggers at her.

"Ella, you are so totally anorexic!" Rapunzel protested, rolling her eyes. "I weigh like 150 pounds."

"Anna?" Ella asked.

Anna gave her a sarcastic smile. "Rather not say."

"I wonder why?" Ella mocked.

"I weight 145 pounds." Meg said. "Come on, Elle, get real!"

"You're a fatass god-screwer." Ella snapped.

"Megara is a healthy weight for her height." Saiyi corrected. "And I'm pretty sure she's not in any dalliance with any mortal... right, Meg?" Meg glared at her to say 'why would you even need confirmation?'

"Anna isn't." Ella smirked.

"Quiet." Saiyi snapped. "Conversation over. Next…. speak of the devil, Anna!" Saiyi announced, picking a name from the cup.

Anna raised her head. "I hate my life." she said through her mouthful of food. "Elsa gets to be queen, and have powers, and pretty dresses, and she gets to be the single one." Elsa nodded to herself as if to confirm that was all true.

"I'm the single one!" Merida protested.

"You fucked my husband, bitch, shut up." Ella shouted. "Just because you aren't technically in a relationship, it doesn't make you single."

"And I just have to raise my stupid kid. She's like- six, seven. Seven, I think. I hate her. She generally gets looked after by the palace staff or Kristoff." Anna was saying.

"Why are you so dissatisfied?" Saiyi asked.

"Well, I didn't even want a kid. Jada- Jade, -Jayden, whatever her stupid name is- is so annoying. And my guy spends all his time with stupid Elsa!"

"I object!" Elsa shouted.

"He does! He wants her to create some more ice stuff because he's obsessed with ice! It's so annoying. They just spend all their time together obsessing over flipping ICE! So I get stuck with stupid Jade, until I get bored of her, then I'm just alone!"

"You could go fuck the Duke of Weasel-town!" Ella jeered.

"Or better yet, Hans." Meg smirked.

"Hans was such a hunk of a man." Jane murmured. Everyone looked at her. "But he was very evil too…?" she said hopefully. Everyone looked at her like 'smooooooth, girl'.

"Nice save." Mulan muttered. She and Pocahontas smirked at Jane, who turned slightly red and stared into her lap.

"WHY WOULD I DO THAT?"Anna screamed. "I hate all of you. Especially Ella."

"Feeling's mutual." Ella muttered.

"OK! The cup of picking!….. Kida! What do you find is the problem?"

Kida answered shortly. "Well, my husband had sex with Ella, and I'm not happy about that! I mean, if he had to cheat on me, it could have been with that Latina mechanic, Audrey Rodriguez- Ramirez or something, from our movie. She was nice, skilled, smart, friendly AND NOT A BITCH! Ella is mean, airheaded, stupid and just plain horrible!" Most of the girls nodded at this.

"Objection!" Ella protested shrilly. "That is so-"

"TRUE!" Saiyi blurted out, before she could stop herself. "Apologies, Ella."

"Not accepted." Ella snapped.

"Girl, she is right!" Tiana raised a sassy eyebrow.

"Are black people just inherently sassy or something?" Snow White wondered.

"Don't be a racist!" Merida protested.

"I come from 1937, I can't help it!" Snow White retorted indignantly.

"OK? Guys! There is no racism in this room, it's fine." Pocahontas soothed. "Kida, keep going."

"But also, even when he isn't having sex with Ella-" Kida was now in full flow.

"He's having sex with me!" Meg finished jokingly, just as Ella yelled, "ONE TIME!"

"Not true." Punzie said, looking up from her phone. "He's talking to that Jim Silver guy about nerd stuff or reading or being boring or playing chess with the latest super-computer!"

"Yep." Kida confirmed. "Punzel's right. We really don't have much in common. Like, I'm super sporty, but he is terrible at sport. I'm not dumb, cough cough (she actually said cough cough) Snow White, but he makes me feel stupid. And he just does nerd stuff the WHOLE TIME!"

"So what do you do?" Saiyi asked.

"I meet up with Mulan and Shang and we do warrior training!" she said, high-fiving her friend. "But I want my husband!"

"Oh, thanks, K, I feel so loved!" Mulan snapped.

"So he ignores me, we have no sex life, and I spend most of my time talking to a five-year old. Who is super-precocious, and stuck-up-"

"And your daughter!" Jane reminded.

"Wait, Kida has a daughter?" Snow White asked in surprise.

"That's why I referenced you in my example of a dumb person, Snow. And I didn't even want a kid. It was an accident. I just send her to-"

But they never found out where Kida sent her daughter, because Punzie, the gossip, looked up from her iPhone and screamed. "Ooh, they're dealing drugs!"

"Who?" Ariel asked.

"Never mind." Punzie answered simply.

"What was that for?" Mulan complained loudly. "Do you really do_ this_ of all things for shits and giggles? PATHETIC! I can smash that stupid little iPhone of yours and you'll be sorry!"

"This seems a good time to move on." Saiyi attempted to smooth things over.

"Go." Kida said under her breath.

"Ariel!" Saiyi announced. "Ariel, what are your problems?"

"Well!" she announced. "It's Eric. He ignores me the whole time, and he may be cheating on me."

"I bet it was Ella." Meg smirked.

"No way! She would be too busy with Phoebus!" Elsa smirked.

Esmeralda still kept crying. "What is my family like? Phoebus cheating on me- plus being an annoying ass! And the gypsies are totally unreliable." she wailed from Kida's lap. "The only ones I can trust are Zephyr and Camellia!"

"Camellia and Zephyr? Nice names." Saiyi said.

"Wow. She didn't speak in capital letters!" Ella said sarcastically.

"SHUT UP, ELLA!"

"I'm so good at this." Ella preened, until she was kicked by Meg's pointy boot. "Owwwwch!" she complained.

"Ha!" Meg smirked.

"Can we get back to me?" Esmeralda whined.

"No. Never gonna happen." Kida said shortly. "Your time is up, baby! And sit up, you have a very heavy head." Esmeralda sniffed and obliged.

"Oh, and-" Punzie tapped on her phone. "Wait, wait- yeah, like I thought, Eric isn't cheating on you. He just does stuff- and runs away from you. I have reliable information from an anonymous source which says that it's because you're annoying. He wished he'd know you WITH a voice a bit more before marrying you."

"WHAT?" Ariel bawled. "Why? I'm awesome!"

"Debatable." most of the girls muttered.

"How do you know all this shit?" Jasmine asked incredulously.

"I did Mickey Mouse a favour." Punzie answered simply.

"A favour…?" Merida said, waggling her eyebrows.

Ella was much more direct. "ANIMAL-SCREWER! Zoophile! Why don't I just tell Eugenia right now!"

"It's Eugene! And you are all so dirty-minded! The truth is that I helped Mickey, the ruler of this place, do some merchandise for the franchise. And I repainted all the houses. So he gives me access to all the goss around here! Like, I know that Giselle-"

"Don't tell me! Fucked Charming!" Cindy said. "With what Kida and Esmeralda have found out today, I would not be surprised!"

"No, took pity on Quasi!"

"Took pity!" Esmeralda shrieked indignantly. "Quasi is awesome, he deserves to get screwed by a hot girl!"

"If he's so awesome, why didn't you marry him?" Merida smirked.

"Instead of the guy who now fucks a girl twenty years younger!" Meg crowed.

"ONE TIME!" Ella screeched.

Esmeralda reverted to crying wordlessly.

"Damn." Cindy muttered as Esmeralda's head ended up back in her lap. Once again, she pushed the crying girl onto Kida, who shoved her back. After a lot of this, Esmeralda ended up on Kida again.

"Giselle did Quasi? Isn't she married to that lawyer guy? Or is she...?" Jane wondered.

"Yeah, she is, whore, where have you been?" Ella sneered.

"OK, Miss-I-fucked-two-married-guys!" Pocahontas snapped, sticking up for Jane.

"BURN!" Mulan and Kida shouted in unison.

"You shut up, you cross-dresser! And you, oh-perfect warrior princess! MARY SUE!"

"What the hell is a Mary-Sue?" Snow White wondered.

"You're hopeless." Belle stated. Snow White gasped, offended. "What, it's true!" Belle protested.

"Girls, don't be catty." Saiyi deadpanned. "Back to Ariel."

"Eric spends all his time at the aquarium." Rapunzel said.

"Maybe he _likes_ fish." Meg suggested, smirking.

"WHAAAT?" Belle screamed. "And you rip on me for fetishes!"

"You have one. So does he." Ella said simply. Belle shot her daggers.

"Did he fuck one?" Meg asked insensitively. Ariel wailed and slumped onto Meg's shoulder. Tears sprang to her eyes.

"Get off! Get off! This is designer!" Meg shrieked.

"Selfish bitch." Jasmine muttered.

"Bring it, First World Problems!" Meg retorted.

"STOP!" Saiyi screamed.

"Can I switch with you, Ella?" Ariel squeaked.

"Sure." They switched places and Ariel's head flopped onto Belle's shoulder, who sighed, but took it, as they were friends.

"You're so pathetic!" Ella spat at Ariel.

"At least I don't have an eating disorder!" Belle snapped back, sticking up for her friend.

"At least I don't have an animal fetish."

"At least Merida didn't fuck my husband." Belle finished. Merida stared into her lap, tears dripping from her eyes.

"Why is everyone crying?" Mulan whined. "Trying to do reps here."

"Put the weight down!" Saiyi instructed. "This is a counselling session, not a gym!"

"You wanna take me, bitch? You wanna take me!"

"Fa Mulan! Language!" Saiyi reprimanded.

"Faaaaa…." Merida muttered.

"You think my name's funny, do you? YOU WANNA TAKE ME?" Mulan bellowed at Merida.

"Taran-fucker." Meg snickered at Merida.

Ella kicked Meg. "Don't bring that up!" she hissed.

"I'm sorry!" Merida squealed. "And you did Phoebus and Milo, so-"

"Fuck off!" Kida shouted, gripping her spear so hard that her hands went utterly bloodless. Esmeralda cried more, still on Kida's lap.

"GIRLS!" Saiyi's voice rose. "Next person- Aurora! Why are you here today?"

"I have nine kids!" Aurora snapped. "That's why!?"

"Ooh!" Jane said. "What are they called?"

Ella started to say something, but was glared at by Saiyi, so buttoned it.

"Alexander is 9, and Eleanor is 8, and Leah is 7, and Stephen and Hubert, the terrible twins, are 5 and Leigh is 4, Cassandra is 3, Laura is 2 and Caleb is 4 months."

"You a crazy bitch- heard of CON-TRA-CEP-TION!" Elsa said.

"You will never be gangsta, Elsa, you pale ghost." Tiana snapped. "Quit trying to be black, I'm the black one! And the cute one, BTW."

"BTW, you are not the cute one. I am. And you will never be slim again." Elsa snapped. "Look at that belly! And I'm the popular one with powers!"

"Powers, powers, powers!" Tiana mocked. "I am bringing life, you fucking bitch! We all know you did-"

"Was it Phoebus?" Meg asked insolently.

"MEG, if you and Ella don't stop, I will have to kick you out!" Saiyi warned, as Esmeralda cried harder, asking 'was it? I wouldn't be surprised.'

"Just wondering." Meg said, all fake-innocent.

"Looking it up." Punzie muttered. "It was-"

"Prince Edward from Enchanted! Can I please tell people about my trysts MYSELF?" Elsa snapped.

"Knew that." Punzie sing-songed. "Mickey tells me everything!"

"Don't be so superior!" Elsa snapped.

"Coming from you? You and your dress and your powers…. why don't you just… let it go." Belle delivered smoothly. Everyone cheered, while Elsa and Punzie glared.

"Back to Aurora, please!" Saiyi said.

"And Philip doesn't do anything, just talks to his horse all the time- he's like in love with that stupid animal-"

"I did not know there were so many animal-fuckers in the canon!" Ella shouted in glee. "Eric, Belle, Philip…"

"Good one, marriage-ruiner." Meg muttered.

"Shut your ugly face, god-fucker." Ella retorted casually.

"NOT IN THAT WAY!" Aurora shouted, turning as pink as her dress. "He just is a horse person."

"In the same way that Belle is a beast person?" Ella smirked.

"NO!" Aurora and Belle screamed simultaneously, tears running down her face.

"Why are you so mean all the time?" they wailed.

"Calm down, Sleeping Ugly." Ella mocked.

"ELLA! THAT'S IT! OUTSIDE! Now!" Saiyi dragged Ella out of the room, and the other princesses could hear shouting.

"What are your problems?" the kindly, but ditzy, Snow White asked Aurora.

"My husband does not help me raise the kids at all! I only got an hour of sleep last night, because I had to do all the state papers that I _couldn't _do in the daytime because of my bloody kids!"

"An hour? How are you not asleep right now?" Pocahontas asked.

"Caffeine!" Aurora replied, clearly annoyed. "I'm so tired all the time! That prick didn't help!"

"Which prick? Spinning wheel or husband?" Meg asked.

"I hate you, Meg, but that was pretty good." Kida said.

"Both." Aurora replied. "Both pricks. And my mother doesn't help me at all. My father and father-in-law don't do jackshit around here either, and my fairy-aunts just argue and bicker. I think they're going senile!"

"We'll go senile if we have to listen to any more of this!" Meg whined.

"Shut the fuck up." Belle snapped. "Let the girl talk!"

"Rude!" Meg retorted.

"Says you…." Pocahontas muttered.

"Shut the hell up!" Meg rounded on her furiously.

"Sensitive, are we?" Mulan asked.

"Hey!" Meg yelled.

"Wanna piece of this?" Mulan challenged.

"It is on, bitch, it is on!" Meg shouted.

"Peace, you two!" Pocahontas protested.

"OK!" Saiyi came back in. "I heard what Aurora said, and Meg, you are on your last warning. Mulan, try to be less aggressive. Now, we have Cindy!"

"What are your problems, you emo?" Ella cackled.

"Emo…" Merida giggled. Elsa, who was next to her, glared in annoyance.

"You sound like the Wicked Witch of the West!" Cindy shot back.

"Burn.." Merida smirked. She received a swift white boot to the shin, courtesy of Elsa. She bent over and furrowed her face in pain, rubbing her leg.

"SHUT UP!" Ella screamed in Cindy's face. Then she turned on Merida. "You too! You screwed my husband!"

"Someone's angry…" Merida teased.

"SHUT UP!" Ella screamed again.

"You can't talk!" Jasmine snapped.

"She's got it right! You really can't talk." Meg mocked.

"I hate all of you!" Ella whined. "Especially you, god-screwer!"

"Ella, shut the hell up." Saiyi said simply.

"RUDE!"

"I know. Now Cindy, what's up with you!"

"I'm just sad all the time! My kids run wild, and lately I haven't been-"

"Having sex with your husband! He wouldn't want to screw that ugly emo hoe over there!" Meg laughed, high-fiving Ella. Cindy was forced to cry into her lap, as the only girl available, Esmeralda, was slumped onto Kida.

"Meg, apologise. And Ella, you need to apologise for condoning the bullying here!"

"Sorry that you're depressed." Meg said reluctantly.

"Sorry for trying to make everyone accept Meg's view." Ella continued, equally half-heartedly.

Cindy looked up, sniffling. "NOT ACCEPTED! And my husband is so stupidly proper. And Kayla and Kieran are nutcases! They just run around everywhere, causing chaos. Last week they both broke five antiques! CHARMING doesn't do anything about it, and then he blames me for not making them 'proper royalty'!"

"You got some problems." Snow White said sympathetically.

"So, I did this-" She gestured to her hair. "-'cause I'm pissed at him. So he's annoyed at me now, but I win."

"Life isn't a competition!" Saiyi protested.

"Yeah, well mine is! So suck it! I bet your lives are just perfect!" Cindy snapped bitterly.

"Um…. no!" Kida said, pointing to herself and a (slumped) Esmeralda.

"Sorry not sorry!" Ella muttered.

Suddenly the princesses exploded and started yelling over each other.

"…cheating on me!"

"…nine kids, guys!"

"…my husband is a scary motherfucker!"

"…cheating on me, and same with her!"

"…well done, Ella!"

"…wish he would just divorce her already… such a whore!"

"…sister's a bitch!"

"….yeah, Anna, there's a lot of pressure on me."

"…I'm a single mum!" Pocahontas finished.

"You are?" Everyone stopped screaming over each other.

"Yeah. John Rolfe sends me child support." Poca answered simply. "My kid is called Ashby, and she's pretty easy to look after!"

"Oh come on!" Anna whined. "Not fair, Jade is so-"

"You!" Saiyi chided. "And you, Kida, need to pay more attention to your kid!"

"WHY?" they whined.

"Back to me!" Poca said. "And, my problem is that I think I have a small…"

"JOHN FETISH!" Punzie shouted. "I've known for a few years, and decided that now was the best time to say it. Sorry." She did not sound one bit sorry. Actually, on a scale of 1 to 10, she was -2.

"It's true." Poca whispered, putting her head in her hands.

Saiyi glared at the smirking gossip. "Really? Really? You had to say that, right now?"

"Yeah." she answered. "And- ooh, check it! Lilo did like, John Darling or something."

"Tink will be jealous." Mulan smirked.

"Gross." Belle said. "Isn't she like six? And isn't he like eight."

"She's sixteen now!" Punzie protested.

"Oh. Yeah." Jane murmured. "Wait, isn't that statutory?"

"Ohhhhhh shit..." most of the girls realised. They then wordlessly decided not to speak of that.

"See, there's someone younger than you!" Ariel yelled triumphantly at Ella. "Might be hotter too!"

"Lilo is butt ugly!" Ella snapped. Everyone, even Meg, gasped at the insult of the quirky young woman, who did not have any problems, in fact, so she wasn't in a group counselling session.

"She doesn't look like a plastic doll, at least!" Kida retorted, looking quite happy, though Esmeralda was still slumped on her. "And she is perfectly happy at Disney School, she and Stitch went together, are popular, get good grades and they're still best friends. She has no relationship problems because she isn't in one, but is happily single. People love her and Stitch! So suck that!" Kida finished.

"OH SNAP!" Tiana and Elsa yelled together. Jane giggled.

"You laughing at me, you ugly hooker?" Ella yelled.

"No." Jane whispered, almost crying.

"She's laughing at you." Meg smirked.

"Don't even try it, bitch." Ella laughed. Jane started crying. Aurora went to comfort her, showing her more motherly side.

"Ella, one more insult, wisecrack or name-call, and you're out in the hall. Again." Saiyi warned.

"Haha." Meg laughed. "Someone's in troouuuble."

"Shut the fuck up!" Ella turned on Meg. "Hades-screwer!"

"That was an insult!" Meg called.

"On you, Megara, it doesn't count. You can't take it, don't dish it." Saiyi retorted.

"Ooooh!" Merida sing-songed. Then she screwed up her face in pain. "Oww…" Elsa had kicked her.

"Quiet!" Saiyi ordered.

"Merida, you're so childish!" Mulan scoffed. "Permission to hit her with the weight?"

"Not granted!" Saiyi screamed.

"Can I?" Meg asked.

"No, I want to!" Ella protested.

"I want to!" Elsa snapped.

Kida rolled her eyes. "Give it to me and I'll smack the shit out of her."

"Ooh." Meg suggested, smiling witchily. "We could take turns."

Ella slammed her hand on her armrest. "Great idea!" she called joyfully, while shaking out her hand and screwing her face up in pain.

"Why'd y'all hate me so much?" Merida wailed, slumping her head onto Pocahontas's armrest. Pocahontas awkwardly stroked her hair.

"Pocahontas, you're betraying the Johns! She's called Merida!" Ella mocked.

"Shut up, marriage-wrecker!" Poca hollered.

"The JOHNS!" Cindy perked up. "How many?"

"Yeah, I'm wondering!" Jasmine said.

"Interesting!" Tiana mused.

"Ooh! Ooh! I wanna know!" Merida squealed, sort of bouncing up and down.

"Punzie?" Belle asked.

"Hang on…." Punzie said exasperatedly, tapping on her iPhone. "She's dated…. ten, no, twelve and is currently dating two at the same time!"

"Ooooh…..!" everyone went.

"They know. Open double relationship." Pocahontas explained. "It's fine!"

"It's sort of...not." Saiyi commented, but no-one heard her.

"Do you do threesomes?" Meg mocked.

"No!…. not really….. once….. a few times…."

"A lot." Meg smirked.

"We're not judging here…. Belle does have an animal problem. And we all have our own problems, so there's really-" Saiyi said.

"SAIYI!" Belle screamed. "Betrayal!"

"Now, nothing to be ashamed of. We can help you work through this!" Saiyi replied.

"Animal fucker." Meg said.

"MEG! HALLWAY!" Saiyi screamed. Meg was dragged out, and once more, there was a lot of shouting.

"Hades-screwer." Ella giggled. "It's rich coming from her, isn't it."

"Shut that ugly thing you call a mouth." Kida sneered.

"Don't recycle my sass." Tiana snapped.

"LET IT GO!" Elsa hollered.

"You let that fucking song go!" Tiana gritted her teeth.

"C'mon guys, focus." Ella said candidly. "What about Belle's zoophilia? We should talk about that, that's much more fun."

"I CARE FOR MY NOW-HUMAN HUSBAND!" Belle screamed. "Though, he was OK-looking as a beast…."

"ZOOPHILE!" Ella yelled in glee, now that Saiyi was out of the room. "What else have you fucked?"

Saiyi stormed back in. "Ella, hallway! Now!"

"She tied me up!" Meg squealed.

"GOOD!" most of the others yelled back.

"Bitches." Meg muttered.

There was a lot of yelling, as the next conversation went on.

"What did you think of frog Naveen?" Tiana asked slyly. "And frog _me."_

"Real Naveen is better. And even though it looks like there's a hot air balloon inflating inside of you, you're beautiful." Belle said quickly. "Anyway, Adam scares me. That's my problem!"

Everyone looked confused.

"ADAM?" Jasmine asked.

"That's his name!" Belle replied.

"Ohhhh…" Merida said.

"I did not know that!" Jane said, seeming much more confident. Everyone looked at her in confusion.

"Ohhh… she's way more confident now that Meg and Ella are not here." Anna said directly.

"Yeah girl!" Elsa agreed, snapping her fingers.

"You're not the black o-" Tiana got frozen.

Saiyi charged back in. "Elsa, unfreeze her!"

"I'm tied up!" Ella shrieked.

"Untie us!" That was Meg.

Saiyi smiled grimly. "Not a chance in hell!"

"Oh, Elsa, I love you. You are so awesome and-"

"Thanks." Tiana said. "That was fast."

"Here's a blanket." Aurora offered.

"Do you have EVERYTHING in that bag?" Ariel wondered.

"Yep." Aurora replied.

"You're supposed to unfreeze things using ME!" Anna protested.

"Yeah…no." Elsa replied.

"You're so arrogant!" Mulan snapped. "And I want to smack you over the head with a weight, and Saiyi isn't here to stop me, so here goes." She went behind the desk, collected her weight, and stalked over to Elsa. However, Kida stood up so quickly that Esmeralda's head thumped onto her chair chair ("Oww…") and hit Mulan over the head with the WOODEN part of her spear. Esmeralda put her face in her hands.

"OW!" Mulan yelled. Saiyi came running back.

"Mulan threatened to hit Elsa with a weight, but Kida hit her slightly to stop it." Snow White explained, demure as ever.

"Mulan, give me that weight!" Saiyi ordered.

"Must I?"

"YES!" Saiyi shouted. Mulan slammed it into her hand as hard as she could. "OW!" Saiyi yelled. "What the hell…. gonna get some ice." She went to go put the weight somewhere safe and ice her hand.

"We're still tied up!" Ella yelled.

"GOOD!" everyone yelled back.

"Bitches."

"That's rich!" Belle screamed.

"Shut your animal-fucking mouth, zoophile!" Ella snapped.

"FUCK YOU!" Belle shouted. Saiyi closed the door and started lecturing Meg and Ella once more.

"This room has lost, like, all of the bitchy vibes." Tiana commented.

"You're still huge." Elsa snapped.

"Guys, we have some precious moments without Meg and Ella. Let's enjoy it and discuss….. Jasmine's problems." Tiana soothed.

"How do you still wear the outfit you wore in your movie? The rest of us have had kids… or just moved on from that style." Anna mused.

"Yeah, KIDS aren't the reason you wear a different dress." Punzie snickered. Anna kicked her.

"Yeah, and what is that? Secretary chic, _Princess_?" Anna replied.

"Guys! LOSE THE BITCHY VIBES!" Jane said in exasperation. "Rapunzel's outfit is cute and so it yours, Anna."

Both girls muttered something along the lines of, "Thanks, Jane."

"Anyway, how do you wear that and why are you so skinny?" Anna asked bluntly, turning to Jasmine.

"Why are you so…. not?" Jasmine asked, sort of half-trying to be tactful, half-trying to get the focus off her.

"Jasmine is like Ella, she-" Esmeralda started, but she was cut off by an angry Jasmine.

"Hold up!" Jasmine snapped. "I am nothing like Ella! I am a faithful wife, and I have no reason to distrust Aladdin and- oh yeah, I'M NOT A BITCH!"

"Hmmph!" Rapunzel sniffed, tapping at her iPhone. "Maybe too faithful and trusting. Aladdin has been caught thieving again! Will give you 'not a bitch', though, you're OK…"

"What?" Jasmine sobbed. "He said he'd stopped! I try to be perfect for him- I'm slim, I take care of my hair so it's always really shiny, I wear nice, sexy clothes, I listen, I do what I'm supposed to, I had three kids AND lost all the baby weight and he-"

"It was a necklace. He said it was for you!" Punzie said, smirking.

"That's so cute!" Snow White squealed, missing the point. "I wish my husband would do stuff like that for me!"

"Airhead." Elsa muttered.

"Snow, you fucking missed the point." Kida continued.

Aurora strode over to the door and opened it. "Saiyi!" she called. "Can Elsa go in the hall? She's messing up our few non-bitchy minutes."

"No, she hasn't done anything wrong. Sorry Aurora." Saiyi closed the door.

"Bitches." Elsa muttered. Then she brightened. "Sorry. I know I can be a little…..cold." she delivered smoothly. Everyone laughed appreciatively.

"Anyway, what I was saying!" Esmeralda snapped. When Meg and Ella had left the room, she had also got more confident. "Jasmine has an eating disorder. It's obvious!"

There were gasps, but before they could discuss it nicely bitch about this revelation further, Saiyi sauntered in, yelling "LUNCH!" Meg and Ella followed her, looking _royally _pissed. Aurora went to the cafe there, while the others dug in their bags.

"See!" Jasmine cried, getting a Pret sandwich, drink and bag of popcorn from her bag. "I don't have an eating disorder! Look at this food."

"If you say so, you skinny thing." Anna muttered, pulling out a flask and opening it.

Elsa looked inside Anna's flask. "Why'd you have meat in a flask!"

"I can't stay here!" Poca announced, jumping up.

Saiyi groaned. "Why? What is the issue here?"

"She has MEAT!" Poca flapped her hands wildly, pointing at Anna.

"Leave it, Poca." Snow White soothed. "You don't need to look at it, or eat it."

Poca flopped back down, pouting. "Fine."

"Why'd you have meat in a flask anyway?" Cindy asked.

"So weird." Aurora snickered.

"Why would you do that?" Kida asked, giving Anna a sassy-sceptical look.

"Oh hell no!" Tiana declared.

"Wow…." Even the timid Jane got on the whole 'mocking Anna' bandwagon.

"IT'S TRADITIONAL ARENDELLE STEW!" Anna screamed, hating all of them.

"I have salad." Elsa smirked, waving her box around. Anna kicked her.

"I have a smaller salad." Ella countered, doing the same.

"Anorexic." most people muttered.

"I need to lose weight!" she whined defensively.

"You need to gain some, bitch, and gain it fast." Anna snapped. Most people nodded.

"I have quinoa and tofu." Meg said, preening.

"That's really pretentious!" Mulan replied. "Can't you just eat normal food?"

"Nope." Meg smirked.

"What, I have so-called 'pretentious food' too!" Pocahontas interjected. Then she stopped in her tracks. "Wait! Did I just defend Meg! I hate myself!" she wailed. Meg smirked harder.

Merida was getting out her food, which was pasta salad.

"Don't have haggis, Scot-girl?" Ella sneered.

"OH THAT IS THE OLDEST STEREOTYPE IN THE BOOK, BITCH! IF YOU WANT TO TRASH ME, TRASH ME ORIGINALLY!"

"Fine. I'll trash you originally. You're a willing mistress, you're childish and you're annoying." Ella retorted smoothly.

Merida gasped and pouted.

"She's right." Anna put in. Jane shrugged and muttered something along the lines of 'yeah'.

"No-one asked you, jungle slut!" Meg retorted.

"Don't be a bully, Meg." Esmeralda chided.

"Don't let Ella fuck your husband." Meg snapped back. Esmeralda just slumped back onto Cindy, and in turn was shoved onto Kida.

"I don't need you on me… I'm sad enough!" Cindy pouted.

"MEG!" Saiyi protested. "She was actually OK until you opened your mouth!"

"Glad to see I made an impact." Meg smirked.

"MEG!" Saiyi screamed. Meg shut up. Merida's phone rang.

"Hi, Taran, can't talk now. I-"

Ella's mouth opened in anger/shock/surprise, and she went to lunge for Merida. Saiyi and Ariel jumped up and held her back. "Thanks." Saiyi sighed, turning to Ariel.

"Yes, she's here! That's why!" Merida was saying into her phone.

"Willing mistress." Jane snickered.

Meg looked over. "Good one, Oh Lady Jungle Hobo."

Jane looked surprised and blinked like a scared mouse. "Really?"

"Yes! Why would I say it if I didn't mean it!" Meg said exasperatedly, turning back to her pretentious food.

Merida put her phone down, and Saiyi and Ariel let go of Ella, and went back to their lunches. Ella jumped on Merida, but Mulan dragged her off.

"Did you just stop a fight?" Cindy asked in awe.

"Yeah, but I like Merida more than I like Ella. And I don't even like Merida, so BURN, Ella."

"I don't give a fuck about what your fugly Chinese ass thinks of me!"

"RACIST!" Mulan screamed.

"What? I didn't mean that all Chinese people are ugly!" Ella protested. "Just you, y'know!"

"You probably did, you bitch." Cindy muttered.

"Emo." Ella snapped back.

"Peace, girls!" Snow White whined, just as Aurora came back from the cafe.

"Whatcha get?" Belle asked.

"Salmon with-" Aurora replied, setting down her tray of food, but she was cut off by Ariel jumping on her.

"You bitch! They could have been my friends' children or something! Why would you-"

"STOP!" Saiyi thundered. "Aurora, eat what you like. Ariel, you've been a human for ten years, get used to the fact that they eat fish up here! And apologise!"

"Sorry that you have nine kids, that you're fat, and that you're an inhumane bitch!" Ariel snapped.

"Properly!" Saiyi chided.

Ariel sighed heavily. "I'm sorry." she said reluctantly.

"Not accepted." Aurora snapped, eating her food angrily.

"Over lunch, let's have a sing-along!" Snow White cheered. "Everyone sing a line from an iconic song in your mostly iconic movies!" As she said 'mostly iconic movies' she looked at Ella and Kida and smirked. Ella shot her a withering glance and Kida gritted her teeth

"OK." Cindy answered. Then she sang. "A dream is a wish your heart makes!"

"I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream…."

Snow joined in. "I'm wishing….."

"Part of your woorrrlld…!"

"Tale as old as time….!"

"A whole new wooorrlld…..!"

"You can paint with all the colours of the wind….!"

"God help the outcasts….."

Meg coughed. "Can't."

"Why?" Snow asked.

"Smoking habit." Punzie said, not looking up from her screen. "Mickey knows, Meg, you can't hide anything!"

"Just try!" Snow begged.

"Fine!" she snapped. Croaking, she tried to sing, "I won't say I'm in love."

"Mulan?" Snow White pleaded.

"Fine. I'll make a man…. out of YOU!" Mulan said. Everyone looked at her, as if to say 'that's not your song!' "What?" she shrugged. "It fits me better."

"True, true." Saiyi put in.

"I didn't sing." Jane admitted.

"That makes two of us." Ella said.

"Three!" Kida admitted.

"Four!" Merida put in.

"I do have a Phil Collins soundtrack in mine, though." Jane said.

"OK. Put that on." Snow White said.

"And I have Chase The Wind and Touch The Sky!" Merida said. "Didn't sing it…. but I'll put it on!"

"No songs, you two?" Snow White asked. "Not even background songs?"

"Nope." Kida and Ella replied. "Nada."

"And that's why your movies flopped." Meg sneered.

"Yours wasn't fantastic either!" Cindy snapped.

"Mine was." Elsa smirked. "Thanks to me. And my song, and my powers, and my dress…"

"We know!" Anna complained. "All thanks to LET IT GO! Man, I hate that song sooooo much!"

"RUDE!" Elsa yelled.

"Al-most theeerrrre…."

"And at last I see the liiiight…."

"Do you wanna build a snooowmaan….?"

"Why wouldn't you sing Love is an Open Door?" Snow White wondered. "Wasn't that your cute love duet?"

"That was a duet sung with me and a villain!"

"Why would you sing a love duet with a villain?" Snow White squeal-whined in worry.

"Open Disney Wiki and look on the Frozen summary page." Anna snapped.

Snow White obliged, and after a while she realised. "Ohhhhh. I see."

"And now for the showstopper…LET IT GO!" Elsa smacked Merida in the face as she dramatically flung her hands out.

"Silly girl." Merida muttered.

"Shut your face, willing mistress!" Elsa retorted.

"Why'd y'all always rip on me?" she wailed. "You don't rip on Ella for screwing Milo and Phoebus-" Esmeralda started crying again, and slumped onto Kida, who shoved her onto Cindy…..

"And you always rip on me!" Merida continued whining.

"First of all," Belle started. "We totally rip on Ella for that."

"Second and last of all." Punzie continued. "It doesn't make it right, and though I hate to defend Ella, those were just one time when both parties were drunk. Yours has been mostly sober, and very continuous- it happened precisely 21 times."

"How do you know that? Mickey?" Merida complained.

"Yup." Rapunzel replied, popping the 'p'.

"TWENTY-ONE TIMES?" Ella screamed. She prepared to jump on Merida (again).

"No." Saiyi said, not even bothering to be angry or surprised any more. She dragged Ella back to her seat. "I will use ropes. If it comes to that, Ella. Be mature." Saiyi left and the very mature Ella stuck her tongue out at Saiyi's retreating back.

"Wait, we were supposed to be singing!" Snow White protested.

"Yeah…no, Ski Slope!" Meg snapped. Snow White looked downcast and she stared at her shoes.

"Oh shut up! Maybe those hairspray fumes are getting to your mind and scrambling it!" Ariel said.

"OH SNAP!" Tiana yelled.

"Scrambled eggs." Merida murmured, in reference to Ariel's comment.

"SHUT UP…." Mulan complained. "Saiyi may have my weight, but I can still take ya!"

"None of that, please!" Aurora chided, her motherly side emerging.

"You're not my mother- though you look old enough to be." Mulan countered. "Even though we're both the same age."

"Oooh… burn." Pocahontas said snidely.

"Nine kids, bitches, nine!" Aurora said, eating her food.

Saiyi burst back into the room. "Anyone dead, hurt or crying?" she asked.

"Esmeralda's still crying. On me." Kida said matter-of-factly. "But everyone else is fine."

"Good." Saiyi said. They ate their lunches in silence for a bit, apart from Ella and Meg bitching.

"Hey!" Kida put in suddenly. "Why is Mulan in the franchise, but I'm not?"

"And me!" Ella exclaimed indignantly.

"Your films flopped?" Elsa suggested, smirking.

"Do us a favour and shut up, Snow Queen." Kida retorted. "Anyway, that might be the case, but Mulan didn't do SO amazingly."

"You wanna take me, Crystal? I made like, double the profit that you did!"

Kida sighed condescendingly. "I meant that while you did well, you didn't smash it. It wasn't so good that they HAD to make you official or something."

"Oh, you guys are such idiots." Tiana said shortly. "It's the racial bandwagon. Mickey just needs a Chinese person in the franchise and Mulan, you are literally the only one that remotely fits."

"Plus," Poca continued. "You were a protagonist, and you are the right age. It's just that you're not actually a princess."

"Well… two out of three isn't bad- AND KIDA WASN'T A PROTAGONIST!"

"_Deuteragonist." _Kida shrugged. "Same difference. And YOU'RE STILL NOT A PRINCESS! So ha."

Mulan frowned. "Come on, the Emperor of China has me on speed dial. That's gotta count for something."

"And you're mean and aggressive, and you always want to fight people." Snow White said. "Yeah, Kida, I agree. Princesses should be nice and kind."

"And fucking badasses too!" Mulan argued.

"Yeah." Merida said.

"Word! Frying pans…..!" Rapunzel smirked. "What did you do…. just dance and sing and smile and get kissed by a Prince who you still don't know at all after ten years!"

"So ha." Kida finished.

"What about me?" Ella whined. "Why aren't you saying I should be in the franchise? I'm a princess too!"

"Because no-one likes you." Kida sneered.

"Some do." Ella sneered back. "Same with you. We're even, baby."

"You were too young in your film. I was the right age." Kida argued.

"Two years." Ella hissed, pointing to Snow White.

"Yeah, but I was actually popular." Snow White said, fluffing her hair and staring haughtily at Ella. "If you counter in inflation-"

"No-one does." Kida muttered.

"-THEN I AM STILL THE STAR OF THE HIGHEST-GROSSING FILM IN THE WHOLE CANON!" Snow White shrieked.

"God knows why, you have no personality, you can't sing and your film was kind of antifeminist." Mulan replied bluntly. "I am like way better than you. So is Cindy, Ariel, Belle, Jasmine- and everyone else onwards."

"What about me?" Aurora asked.

"What about you? NOTHING. You didn't even do anything. You danced around a forest and then you slept. And had nine babies because you don't know about FUCKING CONTRACEPTION." Kida put in.

"Me?" Ella asked, a dangerous glint in her eye.

"I'm not scared of you, Ella, so I'mma give it to you plain: you…. just….. accompanied Taran and the two of you sort of kind of got together except not really and then you did for reals a bit later and then you got pregnant at fifteen, and then you somehow became totally mean or something, so…. my point is, your personality only happened after the movie. Doesn't count."

"Ella, the whole way you act, the things you do- I see! I see the whole reason." Saiyi said excitedly, scribbling down.

"Ooh!" Rapunzel squealed, bouncing up. "It says….. ignored and unknown so she is attention-seeking! Has done things like-" Rapunzel looked up, disappointed, as Saiyi had glared, stopped writing and covered up her notebook.

"REALLY RAPUNZEL? THAT WAS NECESSARY?" Saiyi screamed, as Ella scowled heavily at the trainee psychologist, that same evil glint in her eye.

"Get that look out of your eye!" Ariel snapped. "Go work for a villain if you want to look like that."

"Be the next Helga Sinclair." Kida suggested sarcastically.

"Helga Sinclair? Wasn't she a heroine?" Jane asked. Kida looked at her, half "you watched it?", half "hey, you didn't watch it PROPERLY." Jane continued, confused. "What, Atlantis is one of me and Tarzan's favourite canon films!"

Kida smiled. "Really? Thanks. But Helga was a VILLAIN and I should know. I was FUCKING THERE!"

"But she shot down that balloon! And she was evil before, but that makes her sort of a heroine!" Jane protested.

"Well, she didn't do it for my people's good! She did it because she was annoyed at Rourke- because he, y'know, FUCKING THREW HER OFF A PLANE- HOT AIR BALLOON- TO HER DEATH! STILL VILLAIN!"

"This an incredibly stupid argument." Anna declared. "No-one wants to remember some flop failure at sci-fi."

"Everyone wants to remember Frozen!" Elsa cheered. The sisters high-fived, and received swift shoes to the shin courtesy of Rapunzel and Merida.

"We all remember Frozen." Kida snapped. "Because Miss Powers over here hasn't stopped shoving it down our throats!"

"We also all remember MY film! I got nominated for Best Picture!" Belle simpered.

"You didn't get nominated, your film did." Tiana pointed out.

"I was the protagonist, same difference."

"Anyway," Tiana continued. "I got nominated for Best Animated Picture too!"

"I meant Best Picture out of all the films! Live-action too! BOOM BABY!"

"Don't rip off Kuzco. Kuzco is awesome. And you are not." Merida said.

"A. It's not ripping off, it's a shout-out. B. I AM awesome" Belle protested. "Anyway, MULAN, who we were talking about in the first place, didn't even get nominated for Best Animated Picture!"

"Best Animated Picture didn't EXIST, you idiot!" Mulan shouted. "That came in 2001!"

"Kida?" Belle asked.

"Nope." Kida answered, turning red.

"SO SHUT UP THEN!" Ariel yelled. "You can't even get nominated in a category when there are normally less than ten to pick from- and they chose THREE! Your movie didn't make any money, it's inappropriate for kids to wear your Princess outfit, and you can't even get nominated in a tiny little category!"

"But I'm a Queen! Not just a Princess!" Kida wailed.

"Quit whining, whiner." Ella intoned.

"SO original, Elsie!" Meg mocked. "And then why can't I be an official princess?"

"You aren't a protagonist, you didn't make that much money and you aren't even a princess!" Jasmine said.

"What about me?" Jane asked. "I made lots of money!"

"No-one wants you, you sad little nature freak!" Ella cackled.

"Do shut the fuck up, please, Ella!" Aurora snapped. "No-one wants YOU, you sad little sidekick! You didn't do a single thing!"

"SIDEKICK? The fuck you just say to me? SIDEKICK? Y'know what, Sleeping Ugly, you were hardly better! I was not a sidekick! Deuteragonist high-five!" She and Meg high-fived.

"Kida?" Meg asked.

"I may be annoyed at the unfair treatment us deuteragonists who aren't Jasmine receive, but I will not high-five you."

"Good on you." Esmeralda said, still looking sad. "You can high-five me." They high-fived.

Jane smiled. "Stay on the light side."

Ella and Meg gave her a sarcastic, threatening grin. Jane shrank back, and Poca patted her shoulder.

"Ugh, Jane, don't be scared of them bitches. Grow a pair!" Mulan scoffed.

"That's physically impossible." Jane replied primly. Merida let out an explosive snort. Ella and Meg simultaneously gave her a pitying look.

"Looks like the Egg is really co-ordinated." Merida laughed, sort of to herself, but sort of to everyone else.

"What?" Kida asked, raising a sassy eyebrow. "Merida Dunbroch, what even the hell?"

"Ella and Meg. The Egg." Merida explained with a self-satisfied little smile.

Everyone except the Egg started laughing. "Oh my god, I hate to admit it, but that was funny." Cindy said.

"Merida, you irritate me, but you may be slightly funny." Mulan admitted grudgingly. "But it's a one-time thing, don't get used to it."

"Eh." Merida shrugged.

"OK, made a ton of notes. Is everyone done with lunch?" Saiyi asked. "Interesting conversation there, girls. All in my notes."

"Why were you listening?" Snow White whined. "That's so-"

"It's my job, and I'm right here, and you guys are goddamn loud." Saiyi answered. "And, by the way, Merida, 'the Egg' is genius."

"What happened to neutrality, you ugly nerd?" Meg demanded.

"Neutrality goes out the window when you hear clients insult everyone, insult the psychologist and just be generally unhelpful." Saiyi replied easily.

"Hey, I-"

"It's true!" Snow White put in.

"Oh shut up, you clown!" Ella snapped.

"In looks and personality!" Meg added gleefully.

"Egg, do us a favour and try not to be bitches." Tiana grumbled.

"Egg? New name? That is so going up…" Rapunzel tapped furiously at her phone.

"Oy!" Ella shouted, jumping up. Ariel and Saiyi once again jumped up.

"NO!" they protested in unison.

"Sit the hell down!" Saiyi finished.

Ella flopped back down, fuming. Everyone started putting away their empty boxes of food, and Jasmine went to 'the loo'. When she came back, everyone pounced on her.

"You are so binging and purging. Mickey knows…." Rapunzel smiled, rather evilly, as she normally did when gossiping.

"It's not healthy! You'll end up all sad and skinny!" Saiyi said.

"I am sad! But I'm not skinny! Aladdin won't stop stealing. He's supposed to tell me everything, but he never-" she wept.

"Did he tell you that he visited those belly dancers?" Rapunzel asked, in a seemingly innocent manner, though everyone knew that it really wasn't.

Jasmine's mouth dropped and her eyes opened wide. "No! What?"

"And they're not only BELLY DANCERS, if you get what I mean!" Rapunzel smirked.

"REALLY? You had to say that?" Saiyi shouted.

"Yeah." Rapunzel answered.

"Whaat?" Jasmine wailed. "He really…. Mickey does know all, doesn't he?"

"Yes!" Punzie smiled.

"Looks like you've trusted too much." Meg commented.

"Meg, shut up." Saiyi said. "Jasmine, you need to-"

"YES, MEG, SHUT UP!" Jasmine sobbed. "I'm so sad!" She leant onto a reluctant Belle's shoulder.

"Do you guys know how sad_ I _am?" Cindy whined suddenly. "Charming doesn't talk to me, and my childhood was not fun!" Cindy was sitting with her face resting in her hand, in a funk.

"Does everyone in here have some sort of clinical depression?" Saiyi asked.

"No, we have Whiny Bitch Syndrome." Ella smirked.

"'Specially this emo hoe!" Meg jeered, pointing to a slumped, scowling Cinderella.

"See. I'm so sad all the time! And Egg are not helping!" Cindy complained.

"Cindy, it's not your turn. Now, we should talk about… Jane's problems!" Saiyi said, pulling a name from the cup.

"No thank you." Jane said politely (and Britishly).

"This is a counselling session, genius!" Ella sneered. "What else would we do? Go to Disneyland?"

"I hate you, Ella, but that was good." Kida mused. Most agreed.

"Well, it's just that-that-that-um, I-I-" Jane stuttered.

"Meg and Ella bully her!" Poca blurted out. "They're really mean to her! That's why she's so….. shy." Jane nodded to confirm that this was true.

"NAAAAWWWW! Never woulda known that!" Mulan shouted insensitively.

"Mulan, to be frank, please shut up." Saiyi intoned.

"Don't accuse us!" Meg defended.

"Yeah!" Ella backed up.

"Well, it's true!" Tiana snorted. "Look at them- really it is!"

"It is!" Snow White said. "You two need to be nicer!"

"Yeah, yeah- fuck off, ghost!" Ella snapped.

"Your skin is pale too!" Snow White protested.

"Yeah, but I don't have clown make-up on. You have so much powder it's practically white face paint. And too much red blush. Plus red lipstick!" Ella retorted.

"You have red lipstick on!"

"But mine is specifically wine-coloured, yours is just red!"

"Red." Merida murmured. Once again, Elsa kicked her, but even peaceful Pocahontas was getting bored and kicked Merida's other leg. Merida bent over and rubbed both legs, her face scrunched up from pain.

"IRRELEVANT!" Saiyi bellowed. "Y'know I'm gonna go hoarse after this!" she continued. Merida giggled.

"What's so FUNNY?" Aurora yelled exasperatedly.

"Nothing… it's just that I have a horse."

"Not that kind of horse!" Saiyi sighed. "Try to stop the useless outbursts and giggling, Merida."

Merida looked down. "Sorry."

"Well, at least Tarzan is lovely." Jane said, trying to smile. "Unlike your cracked out relationships."

Most of the girls started to protest, but realised she was right about their relationships.

"…..well, there was that-"

"…..NO SEX LIFE at all-"

"…..no time around each other.."

"…..the ass actively ignores me!"

"…..LOOK AT MY LAP!" (That was Kida)

"Though, we do spend a lot of time around gorillas. They're his friends- he grew up with them- you guys watched Tarzan, right?" Most people nodded. "Yeah." she said. "They're his friends."

"ANOTHER animal-fucker in the canon! I love today!" Ella cackled. "So much informative gossip- does Mickey know about this, Punzie!"

Rapunzel tapped on her phone. "It's not true." shel confirmed, looking up.

Ella snapped her fingers. "Damn!"

"Wait, you WANT my husband to be a zoophile?" Jane asked, blinking her doe eyes. "That's so mean!"

Kida gave her a pitying look. "You've met them, haven't you?" Jane shrugged, and looked down.

Ella shrugged. "It would be funny."

"Yeah, it would provide a few minutes of entertainment." Meg agreed.

"He isn't, don't worry." Rapunzel said. Pocahontas patted Jane's shoulder.

"So, what should I do? I always feel kind of alone! Not many friends…."

"Whoa… that sucks." Saiyi muttered.

"I KNOW!" Jane shouted. "And- them two, the Egg, they're mean to me, and Esmeralda cries all the time, and Kida does warrior shit with Mulan, so I'm always alone."

"You can hang with me!" Poca said, trying to be nice.

"It's OK." Jane shook her head, and wiped her tears. "Let's move onto someone else."

"Snow White!" Saiyi announced.

"Um, well, everyone thinks I'm stupid-"

"You are." Elsa commented.

"And me and my husband don't have much in common! We have three kids, but- we got married really fast." Snow White admitted.

"Me too." Aurora said. "And look where I am!"

"Me three." Ariel said. "And look what I get."

"I'm not married!" Merida smiled.

"And look at you!" Ariel smirked triumphantly. "Sleeping with Ella's dude."

"At least it wasn't-" Meg started.

"We all know you were going to say 'Phoebus.' " Ariel sneered. Esmeralda burst into more tears.

"Thanks." Kida glared at the former mermaid, as she was once again saddled with the wailing gypsy.

"Anyway, that's me." Snow White shrugged. "And I don't know my husband's name!"

"OK…. we'll- WHAT?" Saiyi screamed. "You don't know his NAME!"

"Nah… it's no big deal."

"Why'd ya marry him, then?" Kida asked directly.

"He was sweet, and saved my life. Then it was just a whirlwind. Though, he was annoyed when he realised I'd been living with seven guys…."

"You lived with seven guys? SLUT!" Meg hollered. Merida giggled at that, and was swiftly kicked by Elsa.

"I wasn't sleeping with them! I was fourteen, and they were old dwarves."

"That is even worse! How do you know they weren't pedophiles?"

"They were very nice to me! And I WASN'T SLEEPING WITH THEM!"

"Meg, quiet." Saiyi chided.

"It's a valid point!" Kida said.

"Stop." Saiyi ordered.

"Anyway, like I said, we have three kids, and I still don't feel I know him. I think I've got another on the way!"

"What are they called?" Punzie asked.

"Betsy, Terry and Leo! They're eight, five and four!" Snow smiled. "They're quite fun to raise, actually."

"You have easy kids?" Aurora asked. "Damn you."

"Yeah, but my husband is-"

"Mine has a fish fetish!" Ariel screamed, cutting in. "I win!"

"Not a contest on who has the worst life!" Saiyi protested. "Now…. Tiana!"

"I just don't think I'm ready for this!" she mused. "Like, I have a restaurant to keep, a house to keep, bills to pay, budgeting, shopping for essentials-"

"Wait." Snow White cut in. "What aren't you ready for?"

"You are hopeless." Kida stated.

"This!" Tiana almost screamed in exasperation, pointing at her stomach.

"Your baby? Well, it is extra work, but you could get Naveen-" Saiyi suggested.

"Stop!" Tiana cut in. "I cannot get_ Naveen's _lazy ass to do anything! So help me, because I'm freaking out! How the hell do I look after twins?"

"You're having TWINS! Yay!" Snow White squealed, once again unaware of the situation.

"That's why you look fat!" Ella smirked.

"Oh, it can't be the fact that I'm almost at my due date!" Tiana mocked. "Due in two fucking weeks!"

"Why doesn't he do anything?" Poca asked. "Naveen."

"He's a lazy bastard!" Tiana answered furiously.

"What if he's cheating on you?" Meg smirked devilishly.

"What… no, please no." Tiana said.

"It's a fair point." Belle shrugged. Most people seemed to agree.

"Er, um, Punzie?" Tiana begged, looking at the gossip.

"Wait!" Rapunzel snapped, tapping at her phone. "No- he's not. He just sits on the sofa watching Dance Moms and eating ice-cream."

"Oh hell no! That ass better-" Tiana started, but she stopped when she realised everyone had just burst out laughing. Ella and Meg were doing their cackling thing (they love other people's misfortune), Aurora was snorting, Snow White and Cindy were trying to giggle gracefully (and failing miserably), Belle was gasping into her hands, Ariel was doing the same, Jasmine was laughing openly (probably the first time she'd laughed in months, poor girl), Poca and Jane were sort of hiccuping, Elsa and Merida fell out of their chairs and laughed while in the foetal position, even the weepy Esmeralda was giggling from her place on Kida's shoulder, while Kida had just slumped into her armrest and given in to the laughing, Mulan and Anna were laughing really weirdly and giving exactly -10 fucks….. even Saiyi laughed, though that was against Dr Lawton's rules. Rapunzel simply snapped a picture and posted it onto Disney-stagram, _then_ started laughing.

Saiyi caught her breath. "Um, maybe you could talk to him about it…?"

"No I can't. I don't have enough time."

"What about at night?" Saiyi asked. "After the restaurant is closed."

"Saiyi, dear-" Meg started, looking pityingly at the young counsellor. "-everyone knows that night is a time for the hard screwing. It is for me."

Cindy gave her a 'really?' look. "TMI!" she protested. Most other people nodded.

"You think I have time for sex? I only get two hours, four max, of sleep a night!" Tiana wailed. "Check these bags!"

Most of the people in the room, wondered over to look at Tiana's face.

"There ain't no bags there!" Kida snapped.

"Yes, there are! I'll just go wash off my concealer." Tiana dug in her bag, pulled out a bottle of make-up remover and ran to the bathroom.

"How tired can she be?" Cindy sneered. "I get like two hours max! Sometimes less!"

"Ugh, god, I relate!" Aurora moaned. "Nine kids equals no sleep. One hour, bitches, one hour!"

"I get a lot of sleep." Poca said.

"What about Ashby? Doesn't she keep you up?" Aurora asked.

"What about her?" Poca replied. "She's fine. It's a walk in the park!"

"Lazy." Aurora muttered.

"Shut up." Poca snapped.

"Oh my god!" Punzie said, actually putting down her iPhone, and looking properly at Tiana.

"Those are some bad bags!" Kida quipped. Most others nodded.

"See!" Tiana wailed, bursting into tears. "I'm so tired all the time! I feel almost as crap as Esmeralda! I bet I feel the second-most crap out of everyone here!"

For the second time...

"… UM, HELLO!"

"… you met me, bitch!"

"… about Jane, you met Jane!"

"… what about me?"

"…that whiner, that hater…"

"…bitch, bitch, bitch…"

"OK, smooth it over! Ella, be nice, and I have to really warn you because we're gonna hear about….. Belle next!"

Meg took on a mocking tone of voice. "I'm an animal fucker! I thought my husband in beast form was hot, and- y'know what? He really gets me! He bought me zoo membership so I could stare at all the animals!"

"Shut the fuck up, god-fucker!" Belle snapped.

"My insult!" Ella protested.

"I'm actually scared of my husband! He's always yelling and threatening to hurt me. And I saw him…. with a bear… a few months ago!"

"So they're both zoophiles! This day is getting better and better!" Meg crowed.

"Has he hurt you?" Saiyi asked.

"No…. but he says he will. I'm scared."

"Leave then!" Saiyi urged loudly, slamming her fist on the table. "Fuuuck…. that hurt!"

Belle burst into tears. "I can't!" she whined, slumping onto Jasmine. "I love him, and maybe I could try changing him. It won't take long!"

"And you two could have treatment together!" Ella jeered.

"Ha, great one." Meg snickered. Belle burst into tears, and Jasmine pouted at finding herself in this situation. Kida caught the look and sent her a glare.

"Egg, be quiet. You can't drive that many people to tears." Merida put in, mock-authoritatively.

"Oh, do shut up, you ugly-ass marriage wrecker!" Ella retorted. "Egg isn't even funny."

"It kind of is." Jane mentioned.

"SHUT UP!" Meg screeched. "You annoying little hobo, just having to make some cute little meek observation at EVERYTHING-"

"Mulan!" Saiyi said, quickly trying to move on.

"Well, I hate everyone here." Mulan said simply. Several girls looked offended, while the rest didn't care.

"Feeling's mutual. Same with god-screwer here." Ella muttered. "Right, Meg?" Meg shrugged and nodded.

"Ella, none of that. Quiet and let Mulan finish." Saiyi chided firmly.

"Also, me and Shang aren't very….. romantic."

"Well, with that aggression, whether it be pent-up or released, she's probably a secret dominatrix, and he might not be into that." Ella suggested, cackling.

"Ella, one more wisecrack, smart-ass remark or interruption, and it's hallway. Again. Mulan, continue."

Still glaring at Ella, Mulan obliged. "And, we don't argue, we're just sort of more like friends. Friends who went to war, and fought together. And we keep up a lot of these hobbies! With Kida, because her nerd husband!"

"And? That sounds good!" Saiyi urged.

"And? And nothing! We barely have sex, we barely go on dates. It's like we're just great friends who are officially in a relationship but not really! Like, we don't go to fancy restaurants on nights out, we go to bars and play table football and drink beer. And then we go home and watch Netflix- no snuggling! Just more beer, and some snacks, and friendly arguments. We're more like best friends."

"Well yeah, because who would want to snuggle with that?" Meg wondered snidely. "Heck, I'm surprised he wants to be friends with that!"

"Meg, remember what I said to Ella? It also applies to you." Saiyi warned.

"Like, it's good! But I want love love, not friend love!" Mulan was saying.

"Who would love that?" Meg and Ella cackled at the same time.

"Oh, you don't know, because you only love being mean! EGG!" Snow White protested.

"Ok, that was funny at the start, but now it's just…." Kida muttered.

"Ella…." Saiyi warned.

"Bring it!" Ella announced. "Yo, Samurai, you carrying through with your little threat or not?"

Saiyi glanced at the clock. "We're almost done, so you get away with it." she sighed. "I'll pick one of three left…. Elsa!"

"My perfect sister has no problems." Anna muttered.

"WRONG! I'm under a lot of pressure. Like, I have to be perfect for the merchandise! I have to keep training my voice, and I'm not allowed to date! I have to be the single one!"

"Just pull a Merida!" Meg suggested. Ella kicked her and Merida glared.

"You guys aren't football players, stop kicking each other!" Saiyi snapped. "And didn't you…"

"She hooked up with Prince Edward from Enchanted. Even though he's married to Nancy!" Punzie snapped. "I told you guys already!"

"Hang on. Both Elsa and Nancy are played by Idina Menzel." Saiyi realised.

"That's weird." Cindy mused.

"Maybe that makes it OK….." Elsa wondered desperately.

"No. Still cheating." Ariel put in.

"No, honey, no." Aurora said. "It's still not OK."

"See!" Anna whined. "What're you complaining about? You still get to do guys!"

"Yeah, but I have to do that in secret!" Elsa wailed. "I have to keep myself in good shape-" She stared pointedly at Anna. "And I have to keep honing my powers! It's exhausting!"

"You have my guy already!" Anna yelled.

"I am not in any sort of romantic relationship with Kristoff!" Elsa defended.

"PUNZIE!" Anna whined.

"Oh my god, you guys really need me…. wait, no. Elsa's telling the truth. They just talk about ice, and she uses her powers to create sculptures- all over Disney-stagram- wow, they're beautiful! Girl, you have really honed your powers!"

Elsa flicked her plait behind her shoulder and smirked proudly.

"Yeah, but you're-" Anna started.

"So it's pressure." Saiyi put in.

"Yeah!"

Jasmine burst into tears. "You have no idea what pressure I'm under, I always have to be perfect!"

"Why?" Elsa asked. "I'm on so much more merchandise than you!"

"It's not about that!" Jasmine screamed. "Otherwise, Aladdin will leave me!"

"So! Let him. He's a lying, stealing, cheating ass who-" Mulan scoffed. Jasmine just cried harder, and she and Belle hugged each other, bonding over mutual sadness.

Saiyi glared. "Thanks!" she hissed at the heckling warrior. Then she pulled another name out of the cup."OK…. MEG!" she announced, not able to keep the glee out of her voice.

"Well….. Hercules has too many fangirls, and people always seem to hate me. It's a bit annoying!"

"People might not hate you if you weren't a bitch." Kida put in simply.

"Don't be stupid." Meg smirked. "Oh wait, you can't help it!"

"It's true." Saiyi shrugged. "Like, don't make remarks like that."

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE NEUTRAL!" Meg yelled.

"Just be nicer to people!" Saiyi urged. "Like, leave Jane alone. Stop rubbing _that_ in Esmeralda's face. Stop insulting Belle for her slight animal fetish-"

"Don't have one." Belle intoned.

"Denial's not just a river in Egypt." Poca quipped.

"Shut up!" Belle snapped.

"Anyway, Poca, you have a John fetish!" Punzie put in.

"Yeah, but it's HUMANS!" Poca defended.

"And the only reason you find Ashby so easy to raise is that you're really lazy." Punzie smirked triumphantly. "You just don't do shit with her, so you find it easy. You, Anna and Kida need to get your act together with your daughters!"

"Yes, that's true, but-" Saiyi started, but she was cut off by Rapunzel, who was in full rant mode.

"And you, Belle! Just get your act together and admit it, get treatment! Jasmine, leave Aladdin and eat a fucking meal without throwing it up! Meg don't be a bitch and we might be nicer to you! Ella, same for you, and also, eat a fucking piece of cake, lady! Mulan, you can't hit away all your problems with that _fucking_ dumbbell! Stop picking stupid fights- not attractive! Jane, stand up for yourself against them two!"

"Hey, Punzie, don't do my job for me!" Saiyi protested.

"Ariel! Just get your husband to get treatment for his fetish and don't marry people who have barely heard you talk! Honestly! Tiana, stop complaining about your kids, raise them properly, and don't go down Anna, Kida and Poca's route! Merida, grow up! And stop being irritating. And just stop being a mistress! He's never gonna divorce that bitch!"

"That's harsh- you might want to slow down!" Saiyi protested.

Punzie whipped round, annoyed to be taken out of her rant. "No, it's fine. I'm only just starting. Snowy, I can't believe you still don't know your husband! That was your fault, so make an effort, you're stuck with each other! Aurora, there's nothing you can really do about the nine kids, but at least TRY! Cindy, stop actively rebelling against your husband, you're 29. Lose the make-up and the dye job and GROW UP. And control your kids, you and Charm-arse are probably doing something wrong if they've broken five antiques in a week!"

"Punzie!" Saiyi cried in horror.

"Elsa, you're a smug bitch. Don't be. Anna, lose some fucking weight and don't let Elsa steal Kristoff! Talk it out with them! Poca, keep going. And be nicer to Ashby. Kida, talk to your husband! And be nicer to Angel! If you all do that, I'll stop gossiping!"

A bell went off. "Session over!" Saiyi cheered, dashing out of the room. She poked her head back in. "I have a piece of paper on my desk with the form printed on it. Fill in your name, age, spouse, and kid's names and ages! Don't let Snow White write on it without supervision, she doesn't know her husband's name!"

"Hey!" Snow White protested.

"She's right." Mulan smirked.

"Oy!"

"Oh leave it." Aurora soothed. "Let's write."

Immediately everyone started pushing to get their details down so they could leave and get back to screwing someone/crying/bitching/warrior training/watching movies/yelling at kids/yelling at husbands/being sassy/running a restaurant/gossiping etc.

Saiyi stormed back into the room. "FORM A LINE! YOUNGEST FIRST!"

"YEESSS!" Ella crowed, scribbling on the paper and dashing out.

Saiyi craned her neck over to look at what she'd written. "Ella, I can't read this, get back in here!"

Ella stomped back in, scowling. She went behind Snow White, who was writing her name in pretty cursive.

"Back of the line!" Saiyi protested.

"But-"

"BACK OF THE LINE!" everyone shouted. Soon, everyone wrote their details legibly.

"What are the 'Supposed to be', 'Actually', 'Problems' and 'What she should do' boxes for?" Kida wondered, as she wrote it.

"I fill in those! All good things, all good things!" Saiyi reassured.

"FROZEN QUOTE!" Anna and Elsa yelled simultaneously.

Kida raised her eyebrows. "Do SHUT THE HELL UP about your stupid movie!" she stormed.

"Word." Ella agreed.

"Yours was stupider."

Saiyi sighed and rubbed her forehead. "OK, have you all written your names? Great, I'm going. See ya!" She literally ran out of the room. They could hear her screaming "FREEDOOMMMMM BITCHES!"

"She's gone mad." Meg quipped.

"No thanks to you two." Kida shot back, pointing to Meg and Ella.

"Don't say Egg." Aurora warned. "That's only funny for a bit."

"Egg." Merida murmured. She was met by sixteen pairs of glaring eyes.

"Ah well." Ella sighed, as the princesses/heroines gathered their stuff. "All of that shit happened."

"Y'know, Saiyi seems awfully glad that this is OVER…" Anna mused.

"I wonder why." Ariel said sarcastically.

"Ah, come on Ariel, were we really that bad?" Snow White wondered, as they started leaving.

"Yes." Kida answered. "Yes, we were."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Dear Mickey Mouse, _Saiyi wrote.

_You better pay me well after that hell day! Anyway, here is my analysis of these troubled women._

_Snow White_

_Age- 24_

_Eyes- Brown_

_Hair- Black_

_Spouse- Prince ?_

_Kids- 3 (Betsy, Terry, Leo- 8, 5, 4)._

_Supposed to be- Caring, loving, kind, sweet_

_Actually- Clueless, air headed, ditzy_

_Problems- Doesn't know much about husband, feels isolated_

_What she should do- Girl, it's been fifteen years. TRY to learn something about your husband! Also, if that doesn't work, and you guys split, don't go for the next random stranger. Get to know someone else and _**_then_**_ marry them._

_Cindy_

_Age- 29_

_Eyes- Blue_

_Hair- Strawberry blonde (I don't care what your merchandise looks like, I saw the movie!), but dyed black._

_Spouse- Prince Charming_

_Kids- 2 (Kayla, Kieran- 7, 7)_

_Supposed to be- Gentle, loving, humble_

_Actually- Immature, shallowly rebels, wallowing in misery_

_Problems- Annoyed with husband, cannot talk openly to husband, depression_

_What she should do- Get therapy for depression. Talk it out with Charming like an ADULT. He's not your father, you don't need to rebel against him. Lose the black hair and makeup, you're supposed to be on new merchandise and they'll need a new picture and you can't look like that._

_Aurora_

_Age- 26_

_Eyes- Blue_

_Hair- Blonde_

_Spouse- Prince Philip_

_Kids- 9 (Alexander, Eleanor, Leah, Leigh, Stephen, Hubert, Cassandra, Laura, Caleb- 9, 8, 7, 5, 5, 4, 3, 2, 4m)_

_Supposed to be- Regal, graceful, lovely, refined_

_Actually- Snappish, pessimistic, worn-out, motherly_

_Problems- Too many kids, ignored by husband_

_What she should do- Pick yourself up. You chose to have this many kids. Talk to your husband about spending more time together and helping with kids._

_Eilonwy (Ella)_

_Age- 22_

_Eyes- Blue_

_Hair- Blonde_

_Spouse- Taran_

_Kids- 2 (Lana, Brock- 7, 3)_

_Supposed to be- Not many people watched her movie, but those weird fans of it generally perceive her as brave, feisty and helpful_

_Actually- Mean-spirited, takes pleasure in other people's misfortune, sex-hungry, bully, attention seeking_

_Problems- Anorexia. Husband cheating on her, while she cheats on him- messed up shit, basically. Also does crazy things and says mean things to get attention- ignored._

_What she should do- Get treatment for anorexia, try to be nicer. Talk to husband about the cheating on both sides. Be happy with your unknown status- you saw how Cindy, Belle, Aurora, Ariel, Jasmine etc. are! Just because they're known doesn't make their lives any better._

_Ariel_

_Age- 26_

_Eyes- Blue_

_Hair- Red_

_Spouse- Prince Eric_

_Kids- 2 (Melody, Carmine- 9, 6) _

_Supposed to be- Curious, headstrong, stubborn, proactive_

_Actually- Losing control, tired, isolated, harsh_

_Problems- Husband actively ignores her. Husband has fish fetish?_

_What she should do- Get your husband treatment._

_Belle_

_Age- 27_

_Eyes- Light Brown_

_Hair- Mid Brown_

_Spouse- Prince Adam_

_Kids- 1 (Elliot-4)_

_Supposed to be- Kind, shy, clever, lovely_

_Actually- Defensive, denies problems, co-dependent_

_Problems- Husband has bestial tendencies (sleeping with a bear incident), and a temper. Scared of husband. Small case of zoophilia?_

_What she should do- If he becomes abusive, LEAVE, and take your son with you! Try and get him therapy, and get some for yourself too!_

_Jasmine_

_Age- 26_

_Eyes- Brown_

_Hair- Black_

_Spouse- Aladdin_

_Kids- 3 (Manja, Amir, Masan- 7, 3, 4m)_

_Supposed to be- Determined, fights for freedom, unique, sassy_

_Actually- Naive, easily taken in, co-dependent (again! What is it with these girls?), shy_

_Problems- Being lied to by husband, bulimia. Tries to be perfect so Aladdin will love her._

_What she should do- Lady, take your kids, leave his stealing, cheating ass and get treatment for your bulimia._

_Pocahontas_

_Age- 28_

_Eyes- Dark Brown_

_Hair- Black_

_Spouse- None_

_Kids- 1 (Ashby-8)_

_Supposed to be- Faithful, in tune with nature, understanding, loyal, fearless_

_Actually- Defensive, lazy, serial dater_

_Problems- Some sort of obsession with men named John. Single mother._

_What she should do- Take notice of your kid! Be an involved mother. And having an open relationship with two guys is not good. Dysfunction. Stop._

_Esmeralda_

_Age- 33_

_Eyes- Green_

_Hair- Black_

_Spouse- Captain Phoebus_

_Kids- 2 (Zephyr, Camellia- 9, 5)_

_Supposed to be- Independent, spunky, feisty, brave_

_Actually- Weepy, over-emotional, over-sensitive, co-dependent_

_Problems- Husband cheated on her with a much younger woman (cough cough Ella). Depression._

_What she should do- Talk to Phoebus instead of bottling up your feelings and crying in private. Stop wallowing in your own emotion and control your life instead of just complaining about it to everyone else, because we're all tired of it._

_Megara_

_Age- 32_

_Eyes- Violet_

_Hair- Brown_

_Spouse- Hercules_

_Kids- 0_

_Supposed to be- Mean, sassy, cynical but secretly loving_

_Actually- Mean, __bullying__, cynical, with no secretly loving side whatsoever_

_Problems- I don't know- I really think she just came to make fun of everyone else's problems. She says that she wishes people liked her more._

_What she should do- Please stop being so mean, and then you might have friends who aren't Ella._

_Mulan_

_Age- 26_

_Eyes- Brown_

_Hair-Black_

_Spouse- Captain Li Shang_

_Kids- 0_

_Supposed to be- Unique, brave, strong, quick-witted_

_Actually- Aggressive, nasty, insensitive, bad-tempered_

_Problems- Has more of a friendly than romantic relationship with husband- they get on, are great friends, but she is not sure that they are meant to be lovers._

_What she should do- TELL HIM! Maybe you'll stay friends. Also, stop threatening to hit people with a weight. They don't really like that._

_Jane_

_Age- 28_

_Eyes- Dark blue-green_

_Hair-Brown_

_Spouse- Tarzan_

_Kids- 2 (Kala, Archie- 4, 1)_

_Supposed to be- Proper, ladylike, creative, determined_

_Actually- Shy, bullied (cough cough Meg and Ella), nervous, diminished_

_Problems- Low self-esteem, doesn't fit in, not many friends in the Outside of Franchise group. On the plus side, she is quite happy with relationship._

_What she should do- Don't just take the bullying. If you can't make friends in the Outside of Franchise group, try and make friends in the actual franchise, like Kida did with Mulan._

_Kida_

_Age- I don't know. I don't think she knows. NOBODY KNOWS. Early-mid thirties? That's most likely._

_Eyes- Blue_

_Hair- White (it's supposed to be like that, she hasn't aged really early)_

_Spouse- Milo_

_Kids- 1 (Angel- 5)_

_Supposed to be- Once again, not many people saw this, but the fans of the movie consider her strong, skilled, loving, kind._

_Actually- Lazy, neglected, wisecracking, cynical- but can and will stick up for other people_

_Problems- Doesn't share common interests with Milo, annoyed by precocious five year-old._

_What she should do- Try and have a family day and talk it out. Keep sticking up for friends, though._

_Tiana_

_Age- 29_

_Eyes- Brown_

_Hair- Dark brown_

_Spouse- Prince Naveen_

_Kids- Twins on the way!_

_Supposed to be- Hard-working, kind, determined, loving, optimistic _

_Actually- Defensive, negative, stressed, over-worked_

_Problems- Naveen is lazy, she is not ready to have kids even though said kids are due in two weeks!_

_What she should do- Mentally prepare yourself- kids are great! Tell Naveen to pull his socks up!_

_Rapunzel_

_Age- 28_

_Eyes- Green_

_Hair- Formerly blonde, now brown_

_Spouse- Eugene Fitzherbert_

_Kids- 1 (Solomon- 5)_

_Supposed to be- Kind, lovely, excitable, optimistic, extroverted, adorably (not stupidly) naive_

_Actually- Gossipy, annoying, takes pleasure at shocking others, attention-seeking_

_Problems- I'm not sure why she came- maybe just to gossip and bitch and drop bombshells_

_What she should do- Lady, please stop shocking everyone. Your revelations really hindered our session. (Mickey, stop feeding her this info, it's not helpful)_

_Merida_

_Age- 26_

_Eyes- Blue_

_Hair- Red_

_Spouse- None- however mistress to Taran_

_Kids- 0_

_Supposed to be- Unique, feisty, sporty, tomboyish, determined_

_Actually- Annoying, immature, giggly, airheaded_

_Problems- Willing mistress waiting for married partner to divorce (Ella) when he never will._

_What she should do- Girl, break it off. And also, don't laugh at everything or say random things. No childish outbursts. People find it annoying._

_Anna_

_Age-28_

_Eyes- Blue_

_Hair- Strawberry blonde_

_Spouse- Kristoff_

_Kids- 1 (Jade- 7)_

_Supposed to be: Individual, proactive, optimistic, extroverted_

_Actually- Bored, tired, lazy_

_Problems- Slightly overweight, inferiority complex (due to Elsa's popularity), feels her husband abandons her to hang out with Elsa_

_What she should do- Tell your husband and Elsa how you feel. Lose weight. Raise your kid properly, don't just hand her off to staff. (Look what happened to Kuzco, who was raised similarly- it took a family of peasants, a week-long adventure, lots of magical shape-shift potions, two villains and several near-death experiences to make him a decent person. Wouldn't you prefer for that not to happen to your daughter?)_

_Elsa_

_Age- 31_

_Eyes- Blue_

_Hair- Platinum blonde_

_Spouse- None_

_Kids- 0_

_Supposed to be- Individual, free-spirited, loving, wise, regal_

_Actually- Cocky, arrogant, annoying, rubs popularity into everyone's face_

_Problems- Crumbling relationship with sister, under a lot of pressure_

_What she should do- Be nicer to Anna, remember what she did for you! YOU COULD- no, WOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD! And deflate your head- we no longer care if your 'spontaneous' song won an Oscar. Also, stop getting with Edward from Enchanted. That guy is really fickle- don't turn into Merida numero 2._

_Additional notes: Meg and Ella made a few people cry and then made them cry harder as the session went on. Please speak to them about it._

_That's all._

_Saiyana-Star Anderson_

**_Dear Miss Anderson_**

**_You will be paid a hefty sum, don't worry ($100,000+free pass for life to Disney World (Epcot not included)). Thank you so much for helping them realise their problems. Here is my response to your analysis._**

**_Snow White- I've told her that her Prince's name is Florian._**

**_Cindy- She needs to get rid of that emo makeover! I've told her._**

**_Aurora- I told her so, I told her._**

**_Ella- Maybe we should lock her up again. However, she's got fans now, and we can't do that to a girl when she's got fans, no matter how few._**

**_Ariel- GAWWD! This is why Melody can't be in the franchise._**

**_Belle- That's not good…. I had no idea he'd regressed so much_**

**_Jasmine- Oh dear…. I'll get Minnie to speak to her._**

**_Poca- She needs to stop. Just- stop._**

**_Esmeralda- You think she cries a lot? I have to spend so much time with her and she is so weepy! I get you, sister!  
>Meg- I know. But we can't lock her up again, she has fans.<em>**

**_Mulan- War changed that girl._**

**_Jane- THIS IS WHY MEG AND ELLA NEED TO BE LOCKED UP!_**

**_Kida- That was not the best-done romance, I know._**

**_Tiana- Dammit! Naveen was supposed to change for GOOD!_**

**_Rapunzel- I can't really. Or… I can't tell you, sorry._**

**_Merida- Told her that before, you'll never get through to that girl._**

**_Anna- Poor thing. But she's just not as marketable._**

**_Elsa- She can't help it that she's popular. She is the only one with powers, and her dress is kind of the coolest (I helped design it XD)_**

**_I really liked the work you did with them- it's great. Also, Meg and Ella only made- what, one, two, three people cry? That's a record. Would you want to see them again in a couple months?_**

_Dear Mickey_

_NO! Never again will I conduct a group session for those crazy ladies!_

_Much Irritation, Saiyana-Star Anderson_

**_Dear Miss Anderson_**

**_I will pay you a second lump sum of one hundred thousand dollars. That gives you $200,000 for doing eight hours of work. Think about it._**

**_Mickey Mouse_**

_Dear Mickey_

_I just won't do the work and save you the money. I'd feel bad for taking it._

_Saiyana-Star Anderson_

**_Dear Miss Anderson_**

**_I have Disney. We have tons of profitable theme parks, stores, merchandise, and something else that I can't remember. I can spare you a few hundred thousand._**

**_Mickey Mouse_**

_Dear Mickey_

_OK._

_Saiyana-Star Anderson_

_P.S- That thing you can't remember is your actual Disney Animated Canon. The one that started all the other stuff. Remember that?_


End file.
